Joy Needs Suffering
I’ve been thinking more about Thich Nhat Hanh’s recent death.
The 95-year-old Buddhist monk and Nobel Peace Prize nominee understood that much of our suffering arises from a fundamental fear of death, which was a recurring theme in his writing.
One of his last books, published in July 2021, is entitled How to Live When a Loved One Dies. He notes our tendency to think of the afterlife as a paradise, “which we imagine to be wonderful — a place without suffering.”
But Thich Nhat Hanh rejects paradise as possible without suffering: “I wouldn’t want to be in a world without any suffering, because then there would be no compassion or understanding either.”
I can’t speak about Heaven, but I’m confident that Thay is right that suffering is necessary for real joy because I’ve watched the Pixar film Inside Out.
The 2015 film starts with Riley’s birth seen from Headquarters (that is inside Riley’s head) and narrated by Joy who gleefully announces, “It was amazing. Just Riley and me forever.” Thirty-three seconds later, Sadness arrives with Riley crying. Joy attempts to push Sadness away from the control panel so that she can “fix things” and stop Riley’s crying.
Headquarters ends up being shared with Disgust, Fear, and Anger also. Joy explains that Fear protects them, Anger makes sure that things are fair, and Disgust keeps them alive, but as for Sadness, Joy says, “I’m not actually sure what she does,” and, seeing Sadness as unnecessary, proclaims, “I’ve checked, and there’s no place for her to go.”
Everything proceeds along happily with Joy merrily proud that most of Riley’s memories, which are represented by shiny balls colored by their matching emotion, are happy. Headquarters is dominated by joyful yellow with some variation. Certain core memories — all yellow — power Riley’s personality islands, such as Friendship, Goofball, and Family islands.
When she turns 11, though, Riley and her family move to San Francisco, a city with broccoli pizza (a green orb powered by disgust), a disappointing house (red for anger), a dead mouse (purple for fear) and friends now 2,000 miles away (blue for sadness).
Joy does her best to return Riley to cheerfulness, announcing that “I get you have concerns,” but “Let’s make a list of all the things Riley should be happy about!” And she draws a small circle far from the control panel, telling Sadness that she must stay within it.
When Sadness defies Joy’s orders and touches a core memory — yellow and happy — that memory turns blue, putting Joy into a panic and resulting in all of the core memories being sucked up a tube out of Headquarters into longterm memory, Joy and Sadness flowing out with them.
The story follows Joy and Sadness attempting to return to Headquarters and the consequences for the personality islands of the absent core memories, Joy, and Sadness.
Along the way, Joy and Sadness meet Bing Bong, Riley’s imaginary childhood friend who is a pink elephant wearing a small bowler hat and a checkered brown and blue jacket with a rainbow felt flower pinned to his lapel. Bing Bong attempts to guide the two in their quest.
As the memory problems continue, the trio sees happy childhood memories collapsing, including Bing Bong’s “rocket”: a wagon.
Bing Bong recognizes this means he will be forgotten and is understandably upset. After all, this means, well, his death. Once he’s forgotten, he won’t exist.
As Bing Bong plops down despondently, Joy responds, “It’s going to be okay. We can fix this. Hey, who’s ticklish, huh? Here comes the tickle monster!” Tickling does nothing to cheer him, but Joy is in a hurry and starts to move off, urging Bing Bong to follow.
Sadness, though, pauses, sits by Bing Bong, and tells him, “I’m sorry they took your rocket. They took something that you loved. It’s gone. Forever.”
Joy scolds her for making Bing Bong feel worse.
Sadness apologizes but keeps sitting by Bing Bong, saying, “I bet you and Riley had great adventures,” which prompts Bing Bong to recount all of the many wonderful times he shared with Riley.
When he finishes, Sadness acknowledges, “Yeah, it’s sad.” This prompts Bing Bong to give Sadness a big hug, holding her as he sobs. After a short while, Bing Bong assures them, “I’m okay now,” which puts a little smile on Sadness’s face.
Joy is confused and asks, “How did you do that?”
Sadness replies, “Oh, I don’t know. He was sad. So I listened. . .” rather than deny or negate his feelings as Joy did.
Deep listening is one of the key components of Right Speech, one part of the Eightfold Path that leads to enlightenment — and joy.
None of us are likely to choose suffering over happiness — or sadness over joy. But sometimes life is sad. Sometimes those we love are sad. Sadness allows us to offer love and compassion to others and to ourselves.
As Thich Nhat Hanh wrote shortly before his own death, “We must understand the goodness of suffering. It is the compost that helps the roses grow. It is the mud from which magnificent lotuses emerge.”
